about time

2007-09-04T08:08:00.000+04:00

Headline Hiest Puzzles Local Authoritarians

2007-04-17T15:29:00.000+04:00

Dubai - Local authorities were left in the dark yesterday as five gunmen broke into a high class Dubai shopping mall and made away with more than 20 million worth of jewels. In what looked like a "Wallah habibi race!", two cars crashed in through Wafi Center's main gate, creating great panic as the security guards ran for their lives. This is the most daring attempt at breaching Dubai's generally peaceful traffic infested routine ever. The thieves made a quick few minutes worth of fame on someone's cellphone camera, broke into a high profile diamond jewellery store, and made away in great haste. The video has been confiscated because it is against the moral and cultural values of the investigation department.

Just a few minutes after, there was an insane amount of police presence at the Wafi center. They were apparently interrogating the staff about the thieves, and their appearance. They got nothing much out of this, but five drawings of men in masks. These drawings will be published in the press shortly, awaiting conformation from the Ministry of Information's Censor Board. The police has released a statement saying that the thieves were wearing masks of cotton of a very high yarn count, say 200 and over, which means that they were probably connected to the Antiguan mafia. The head of the Department of Jewellery Theft, when questioned about the particulars of the crime, said "This errrrrrrrrrrrrr take a jewellery bad mans. Five bad mans. We find and cancel."

But you knew that. Also, as a reaction to a widespread security analysis jointly conducted by insurance companies and investment houses, two of the nation's greatest corporations have announced new projects, in an effort to grab major share in what seems to be a rapidly emerging market. DEMAAR and EYAAR both released press statements saying they would invest in large security projects. DEMAAR's project seems to be centered around a tall skyscraper constructed to look like a giant police officer. They claim that this will deter criminals, and will attract lots of opportunists from around the region. EYAAR was not available for comment, but inside sources have identified a top secret project involving robot security guards.

Meanwhile, residents were greatly concerned about their security. Some said they were worried that the criminals might leave Dubai and go to Abu Dhabi or Sharjah. Others were concerned about the nationalities of the thieves, and yet other people expressed outrage over the fact that the cars weren't insured. Is the safety of Dubai ever at risk? Will giant policemen watch over our rooftops? Will great traffic jams hinder getaways? Whosoever knows?

The thieves were unavailable for comment at this time.

heavy drinker

2007-04-10T18:57:00.000+04:00

this one by teh hazzman

dream vacation

2007-04-10T13:35:00.000+04:00

thalaatha mya

2007-04-10T00:06:00.000+04:00

the 'rebound relationship' cycle

2007-04-08T19:54:00.000+04:00

safari?

2007-04-07T16:40:00.000+04:00

this one was done by whatever you want

immigrashun

2007-04-06T14:49:00.000+04:00

justice on the rocks

2007-04-05T20:22:00.000+04:00

censorship mark II

2007-04-05T09:05:00.000+04:00

drink your pain away

2007-04-04T22:41:00.000+04:00

Drink and be merry

2007-04-03T18:36:00.000+04:00

the dubai funnies